Urja Mahesh Karia
I’ve always heard people say, ‘Forgive your enemies but never forget their names’. What I always wonder is, Why not? Why would I want to carry excess baggage with me all my life? Why would I want to feel angry, be sad and create stress in my life? When you hate someone, you eat up your mind, not theirs. The people who love themselves, always forgive others. Why? Because they know resenting something will only cause more harm to them. They will be the only ones who’ll be hurt in this process.
What is that bad which will happen if you forgive someone that hurt you? It is not because we want to overpower someone that we don’t forgive them. We don’t because; we want them to know that they have hurt us and that we are suffering for what they did. But, just for once, sit and think. Are you really succeeding in hurting them with your silent treatment and cold war? No, they may care in the beginning, after a while they will forget about it and will be free of thought, but you will always be left with the same bitter feelings.
When someone does something bad to you, don’t let it go right that very moment. Let it seep. Feel the pain, be hurt, and cry. And when all that is done, then forgive them and forget it completely. Why to feel the pain? If you let it go easily(or pretend that you do), that pain will still be there in some dusty corners of your heart and one day or other, it sure will come back with the URGE of taking revenge or setting your scores right with that person. Unless we forgive and close the chapter, we cannot move forwards. So, end the thing for the greater good of all.
Now you may think ‘why should I forgive him. He hates me and leaves no chance of hurting me or insulting me or letting me down’. But, you must know, ‘HATERS GONNA HATE” you cannot change this fact. And you should be happy about it. Why do you think someone hates you? Because they don’t have something that you do. Because they secretly know you are better than them. No one would hate someone who is lower in the rank to them, sure they will sympathize with them or pity them, but never hate. So, instead of hating them back, empathize with them.
But, forgiving that person does not mean that you should trust him with the same thing again. Learn from it. Do what has to be done the next time. Be cautious and save yourself the trouble. There will always be people who will hate us, do bad to us or hurt us. We still cannot be the judge of it. Leave it all. Don’t get those thoughts of hatred get comfortable in your mind. Once these thoughts feel like home, they are hard to kick out.
Doe Zantamata figured it out all right when she said, “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know, before you learned it”.
For us to forgive others, we must first forgive ourselves. We must forgive ourselves that we got involved with a such a person, that we were not smart enough to know the real intentions of that person, that we trusted them. These are all the thoughts which eat up our minds. We blame ourselves more than we ever blame the ones who did the bad to us, but we must know, ‘it is not our fault’.
As Oscar Wilde said ,“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
(Author may be reached at email@example.com)