“To look is one thing. To see what you look at is another. To understand what you see is a third. To learn from what you understand is still something else. But to act on what you learn is all that really matters. Isn’t it?” To act on learning depends how much you understand from what you learn particularly so when it comes to human behaviour and relationship. No one really knows why human do what they do. Behaviour is conditioned by the belief that one holds. “When examining evidence relevant to a given belief, people are inclined to see what they expect to see, and conclude what they expect to conclude. Information that is consistent with our pre-existing beliefs is often accepted at face value, whereas evidence that contradicts them is critically scrutinized and discounted. Our beliefs may thus be less responsive than they should to the implications of new information” and “It’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.” Therefore, it is better that we understand the situation and take such steps that hurts no one. What are required here are the effective communication and an analytical bend of mind that sees through the events in their corrective perspectives.
“What joyous discoveries lie ahead when we disclose our true selves, with no purpose other than to understand and be understood?” The human relationship is purely based on the power of communication. If only we can understand each other well, it would have served the purpose of human welfare and well being without any conflict of interest and misunderstanding. We are living in a shell created with our fears and all apprehensions about another. But we may be eager to go to such length and more, just to be heard and understood to come out of our little island of separateness. We long to speak out of our loneliness and sorrow, and also to speak, too, out of joy and wonder and discovery. The need to express ourselves to another in an atmosphere of trust and faith is more felt in the present environment of distrust and hatred, pride and prejudices, and the desperateness surrounding us.
The only way is to accept the realities of the situations and try to change our own attitudes towards others by removing all our inhibitions and fears about others by accepting the people as they are with all their faults and frailties. Nobody is perfect in this world. By accepting the others as they are, we will remove the barriers that separate from one another. At the same time, we must also project our true image without any distortion. We have to express our feelings openly without any restrain so that suppressed emotions will find a natural outlet which will lead to a better understanding of our relationship with others. How we feel if there is someone to talk to freely? How we yearn to love and be loved? How we long to be heard and to be understood?
What we need to day is love, affection, understanding, compassion and empathy. When we are able to feel the emotions of the other person and feel the way he feels, and when we talk the language of love and understanding, then it opens up a new beginning of an endearing and enduring relationship. When we are honest with ourselves and with others and are genuine and candid, then the true communication begins and we will be making our own contribution to create a better world of understanding, love, and tranquility and the life will be at its best. “An eye for an eye will make the world blind.” Hatred begets hatred and love conquers hatred. Love is the ever-pervading human necessity for a tranquil life, for creating a peaceful environment and for breaking the barriers created by us for inducing a spontaneous feeling of oneness which is the mark of human maturity.
Love has the power to change a person. It has the power to heal the bruise that has been inflicted to persons knowingly or unknowingly. It has the power to bridge the gap in understanding each other. Unconditional love is the magic that can produce unprecedented changes in any person to come out of one’s own solitary confinement due to emotional turmoil and to come out of lack of will power and determination and habits that can destroy a person.
The purpose of human endeavor is to make life happy. “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” (Aristotle). Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfection. The success in life depends upon how well you integrate your personal life, professional life and the social life to produce harmony and happiness not only for yourself but also for others who are associated with you. “It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.
Compassion which is an awareness of the sufferings of another person and a feeling and a wish to alleviate the suffering is another virtue that can make people come closer to each other. “When we feel love and kindness toward other, it is not only making others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.” (Delai Lama) What is happening now is that we think too much but feel too little. Instead of condemnation, if we resort to compassion, it will bring more cheers to people. “Kind hearts are the gardens, Kind thoughts are the roots, Kind words are the flowers, Kind deeds are the fruits, take care of your garden and keep out the weeds, Fill it with sunshine, Kind words, and Kind deeds.” (Charlie Chaplin) Besides compassion, empathy is yet another trait that we have to cultivate. Empathy is the “intellectual identification with, or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another,” according to the Random House Dictionary. In plain terms, it is the ability to imagine one’s self in the position of another and to understand another’s emotions and feelings as though they are one’s own. By developing the powers of empathy coupled with imagination we open up ourselves to the whole world. If we can cultivate the power empathy for another person, we will be able to recognise and treat that person as another human being no matter what he is and what he has done. Ultimately, we will able to learn to act with the conviction that Love, understanding, affection coupled with compassion and empathy are the basis of a magnificent human relationship and an exemplary universal brotherhood that will create a wonderful world of peace, tranquility, melody and harmony devoid of any pride and prejudices, hatred and revenge which every one ardently desire for and assiduously pray for.
The power of love is,
“Across the gateway of my heart
I wrote “No Thoroughfare.”
But love came laughing by, and cried:
“I enter everywhere.”
And our motto of life shall be:
“Do all good you can,
By all means you can,
In all ways you can,
In all places you can,
To all people you can,
As long as ever you can,
And with all love you can.”
Will we not be able to build a wonderful and happy world that we dream of if we follow the motto of our life?
*****
(The author invites comments from the readers and can be contacted through his e-mail: trrk1941@gmail.com)
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